Meditation for Emotional Intelligence: Observe, Breathe, Transform

One of the things we can do in meditation practice is deal with our emotions in a healthy way. We want to do this because our emotions color our world. The quality of our emotional states determines the quality of our day, our life, and our overall experience. The good news is that we have much more conscious, creative influence over our emotional states than we often realize, and meditation is one powerful way to access that influence.

Another way is through emotional intelligence—simply learning how to be present with what we feel. We practice this by allowing our emotions, accepting that they’re there, and not reacting to them or letting them take us over. We don’t need to give in to them, but we do want to accept and work with them. When we feel disempowering emotions, we can give them space, open up, and let them move through. At the same time, we can begin to cultivate more empowered emotional states.

In my meditation courses, one of the things I teach people is how to control their emotions in the moment—how to move through heavy, dense, negative emotional states and shift into higher states of being that feel better to be in. Often, this begins simply by acknowledging what we feel, accepting that it’s there, and starting to work with it. One helpful way to do this is by viewing emotions as vibrations, patterns, and responses—responses to our thought processes (conscious or unconscious), to our environment, to our intuition (whether we’re aware of it or not), and to our life situations.

When we deal with emotional pain this way, it can help discharge some of the negative judgments we hold about our own emotional responses. One simple practice is to pause, do some breathwork, and be present with the emotion—even when it’s uncomfortable. When we feel something we don’t like, we often try to avoid it. We distract ourselves, suppress it, deny it, or let it completely take us over so that we become the emotion itself. Instead, we can simply give the emotion space.

One way to improve your emotional intelligence is to allow your emotions. We can do that in a meditation practice.

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In my meditation course for emotional intelligence.  I guide you to allow the emotions, accept that they are there, and give them some space.  Once an emotion exists, it exists. It’s there. It has a vibration, a feeling, a sensation. We all know that different emotions create different sensations in the body: joy has a sensation, laughter has a sensation, and love has a sensation. Anger has a feeling and sensation, and so does fear. Our bodies respond to these emotional states; our energy system experiences them.

The meditation technique of self-observation is an effective way to address our emotions and improve our mood.  So when we’re having an emotion—especially one we don’t like—it’s helpful to sit with it and give it space. We give ourselves space, and we give the emotion space as well. We want to create an opportunity for the emotional state to surface and work with it in a healthy way. We do that through a presence practice: just being present with the emotion. In the beginning, we don’t need to do anything with it. We simply observe: “Okay, I feel this way right now.”

The next meditation technique you can use to improve your emotional state is breathwork. As you notice that, bring your attention to your breath. Notice your breath moving in your body. Focus on the breathing, and allow the emotion to simply be there for a moment. Don’t let it carry you away. Don’t respond to it. Don’t get up and react to it. Don’t make decisions from within that emotional state. Just breathe. Notice the sensations in your body and how the emotion affects it. Notice the space around you. Does it feel heavy or dense? Dark or light? Just notice.

As you breathe, you can imagine you’re breathing into the space around your body and into your energy field. You might imagine bright colors or life force energy entering as you inhale. You might imagine the spirit of love coming in with each breath. Visualize yourself breathing this into the space around you and then breathing it out again. Continue to focus on your breath and what you sense in your body. Notice how your body is responding to the emotions.

The next meditation technique would be stillness. At this stage, don’t try to do anything with the emotion. Don’t try to move it, stop it, oppress it, or suppress it. Don’t respond or react. Just give it space by breathing and noticing. This is a presence practice: being present with the emotion. The emotion is arising from somewhere. In this moment, you may not know why you’re suddenly angry, frustrated, depressed, sad, or overwhelmed. You might have an idea. You might know for sure. Or you might have no idea at all—and none of that matters right now.

In the present moment, all we are doing is giving the emotion space. So we breathe. We notice the breath. We notice how the breath feels as it moves into the body and how the body responds. We stay aware. As we do, thoughts may start to appear. You might notice angry, frustrated, upset, or depressed thinking patterns. Emotions are often responses to thoughts—whether conscious or unconscious—and those thoughts, especially the ones we believe on some level, tend to create and reinforce emotional states.

The next meditation technique would be to let go. Sometimes, when we’re overwhelmed by an emotion and begin to breathe and become present, our thoughts can become intense. They may grow louder and stronger. When that happens, just observe the thoughts. Don’t try to stop them. Don’t believe them. Don’t respond or react to them, and don’t argue with them. Simply observe. Notice what thoughts are arising. Watch them as if you’re watching a television show. Notice how your emotional state responds to those thoughts.

By doing this, we begin to understand what’s happening within our own system. This kind of observation creates a little space between you, your emotional states, and your thoughts. You become the one watching and noticing how you respond to everything happening. Sometimes, as you observe your responses, you might notice yourself getting more upset. When that happens, simply notice that too—and then gently return your attention to the body and the breath.

The next meditation technique is to put your attention into your body. Notice how the thoughts feel physically. What are the kinesthetic sensations? Is there pressure, weight, or heaviness? Does it feel dense or dark? What else is happening in your body as this experience unfolds? Just keep noticing. When we do this regularly, or whenever we are in intense emotional states, it can help us break the emotional pattern and interrupt the stream of thinking that fuels it.

If the emotion is being fed by a stream of thoughts, this practice is a powerful way to break that stream and help release the emotional state those thoughts generate. Everything comes back to the breath. Notice the breath, the sensations in your body, and the flow of thoughts. Stay aware, and keep breathing.

You can also include visualizations with your breathing. Imagine breathing in light and breathing out light. Imagine that light filling the space around you, filling your lungs and your mind, and surrounding you like an egg-shaped field of light. Use your breath, meditation, and emotional presence to help relieve what you’re feeling. Work with the emotion. Understand what’s happening and what might be creating it—then return again to the breath, the sensations, and your awareness.

Don’t try to force anything to stop. Just notice. Breathe in. Breathe out. You can visualize yourself breathing in bright, vibrant colors. Even something this simple is a powerful beginning. You are giving yourself space, and you are giving the emotion space. We give the emotion space because, when we do, we open our body and allow the emotion to move up and out. We accept that it’s there, and we give it the opportunity to gently let go—simply through focusing on the breath.

This is one of the ways we work with our emotions: through breath, through observation, and through allowing what is. One of the great values of this approach is that it gives us a chance to release emotional energy without overanalyzing it. We’re not dissecting or judging it; we’re observing it, noticing how it affects our body and the space around us, and continuing to breathe.

You might use a simple pattern, such as breathing in, holding for a few seconds, and then breathing out—allowing light, softness, or release with the exhale. Sometimes, this is enough to begin the shift. This is one of the core ways we work with our emotions.

There is deep value in working with our emotions in this way, because we are affected by them whether we want to be or not. They impact us, but we can also positively influence them when we consciously work with them. When we have long-standing emotional patterns—ongoing frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment—those emotions develop momentum. Our emotional body has a kind of substance and weight, and we can begin to work with it by becoming present with it.

In the meditations I’ve created, we work with different emotional states by becoming present, breathing, and consciously engaging with what we feel. This helps us move through the emotions we want to move through and towards the ones we want to cultivate. Over time, this allows us to become much more conscious creators of the quality of our life experience.

I look forward to meditating with you.

Kim Owen, The Peaceful Meditator.com